Chapter 5 Between Duty and Desire

The morning sun spilled over the packhouse roof, turning the courtyard gold. I should have felt pride, power, a sense of belonging. After all, I was Luna now, the chosen mate of Darius Thorn, Alpha of the Crescent Moon Pack. The pack looked to me with expectation, respect, awe even—but I could feel my heart tethered elsewhere.

Kieran’s presence haunted me. Not physically, not yet, but every memory of him, every sensation he had left, lingered like a phantom. I could still feel the brush of his hand, the warmth of his chest pressed against mine, the storm in his silver-blue eyes. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw him—alive, breathing, dangerous—and I knew that the Moon had entwined our fates more deeply than even I could understand.

Darius, of course, noticed none of it. Or if he did, he didn’t let on. He moved through the courtyard like a shadow, elegant and commanding, his presence impossible to ignore. The pack had begun to speak of our bond in hushed, reverent tones. The Luna and her Alpha. I should have felt secure. But my chest tightened with every praise, every glance of approval that wasn’t Kieran’s.

Training that morning was brutal, and I welcomed it. Combat with the pack’s warriors, physical drills, and meditation under the Moon’s blessing should have centered me, aligned me with Darius, but I felt off. My wolf growled beneath my skin, restless, impatient, drawn toward something beyond the boundaries of duty. Every strike I landed with my fists, every kick, every defensive maneuver was sharp, precise, perfect—but my mind drifted.

Kieran.

The rogue wasn’t supposed to matter. He shouldn’t matter. I had no claim to him, no right to him. And yet, he lingered in every corner of my mind like a fire threatening to ignite.

I stumbled during a sparring match and had to catch myself on my opponent’s arm. Everyone noticed, though no one said a word. Darius only raised a brow, a subtle warning, the kind that made my stomach twist. He didn’t scold me. He didn’t punish. He simply watched, and I felt the weight of his scrutiny like a blade pressing against my spine.

After training, I retreated to the eastern balcony, the one that overlooked the forest edge. My wolf whispered to me, urging me to go back to him, to Kieran, to the forest where danger and desire met.

I tried to resist, tried to remind myself of duty, of the pack, of Darius.

But the moment I felt the wind carry a familiar scent—metallic, pine, earth—I could no longer deny it. Kieran was near.

I didn’t know how long I had been wandering, following the pull of instinct, but I found him before I realized I had reached the old hollow we had used the night before. He leaned against a tree, arms crossed, as though waiting. His silver-blue eyes caught mine instantly, and I felt that same electric pull, the kind that made my knees tremble, my heartbeat wild.

“You shouldn’t be here,” he said softly, not with anger, but a warning.

“And yet here I am,” I replied, my voice low, steady even though my chest ached.

He smiled faintly. “You’re reckless. I warned you before.”

“And I can’t stay away,” I whispered. “Not when I feel—”

“I know,” he interrupted, cutting me off before I could finish. “The Moon is cruel, Luna. She will not forgive this.”

I bit my lip, nodding, aware of the impossible stakes. My hands itched to touch him again, to feel that connection that the Moon itself had acknowledged but forbidden. “Then we’ll be careful.”

He shook his head. “Careful isn’t enough.”

Before I could answer, a sound in the distance made my blood freeze: footsteps—soft, deliberate, and approaching fast. Rogues. Or worse. Someone from my pack who had strayed too close.

I grabbed Kieran’s arm, pulling him into the hollow. “Hide,” I whispered.

He obeyed instantly, slipping into the shadows like a shadow himself. I crouched low, holding my breath, listening. The footsteps grew closer, and then voices.

“…saw something move,” one voice said.

“Maybe a rogue,” another replied. “The Luna’s out here, so be careful.”

I held my breath until they passed, heart hammering, my wolf howling silently within. When the last voice faded, I exhaled slowly.

“You’re reckless,” Kieran whispered once the danger had passed. “Do you know what you’re risking?”

“Yes,” I said. “And I don’t care.”

Back at the packhouse, Darius was waiting. Of course he was. He always knew. Always. His gaze found mine as I stepped into the courtyard, calm, composed, perfect for the pack.

“You’ve been distant,” he said quietly, his voice low enough that only I could hear.

“I’m… adjusting,” I said, forcing a smile. “The ceremony… the bond… it’s more than I expected.”

He stepped closer, brushing a strand of hair from my face. “You belong to me now,” he said. “Do you understand?”

I nodded, but the lie tasted bitter. My wolf snarled beneath the surface, warning me, telling me the truth: I did not belong to him fully. My heart had already strayed.

That night, sleep was impossible. I lay in my chambers, staring at the mark on my wrist. The Moon’s silver light streamed through the window, illuminating the delicate lines of the bond. It should have made me feel safe, powerful, complete. Instead, it made me feel torn, fractured.

My dreams brought him again. Kieran. Alive, dangerous, waiting. He was always just out of reach, always in motion, always calling me toward the forest, toward the unknown, toward temptation. And every time I woke, my chest burned with longing and fear.

The next day, political tensions within the pack began to surface. Elder council members whispered about my “distraction,” about my seeming detachment from duties. Darius noticed the murmurs but said nothing. He didn’t need to. I could see the storm behind his calm eyes, the way he tightened his jaw when someone dared question me.

And yet… I could not ignore the rogue pulling at my heart.

I realized then that I stood at the crossroads of my life: one path led to duty, safety, power, and the man I was bound to love. The other led to danger, desire, freedom, and a connection that no law, no bond, and no pack could sanction.

And somewhere deep in my soul, I knew that every choice I made would have consequences—some I could survive, and some I could not.

That night, as the full moon rose high and silver, I made my decision. I would see him again. I would touch that danger. I would embrace the forbidden.

Because the heart doesn’t choose safety. The heart chooses desire.

And mine was already lost.