Chapter 71 For Myself
The world looks scrubbed raw after the snow.
I barely sleep after the library. I lie in my narrow bed staring at Americus's glow-in-the-dark constellations while she breathes evenly across the room, and my mind cycles through every word Eli said, every moment we came close to something neither ...
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Chapters
1. Chapter 1 The Fall
2. Chapter 2 Waking Up
3. Chapter 3 Who Are You Without the Ice
4. Chapter 4 The Long Way Back
5. Chapter 5 Cobblestones
6. Chapter 6 Glitter
7. Chapter 7 Yorkside
8. Chapter 8 Registration Day
9. Chapter 9 The Whale
10. Chapter 10 The Box
11. Chapter 11 What I Used to Be
12. Chapter 12 The Dining Hall
13. Chapter 13 Modern American Literature
14. Chapter 14 Blue State
15. Chapter 15 Guess We'll See
16. Chapter 16 Party Night
17. Chapter 17 Washed Up
18. Chapter 18 The Diagnosis
19. Chapter 19 Number 27
20. Chapter 20 Riley's Moment
21. Chapter 21 Uh-Oh
22. Chapter 22 We Meet Again
23. Chapter 23 Weston Carroway
24. Chapter 24 Poison
25. Chapter 25 Across The Table
26. Chapter 26 Fairy Lights
27. Chapter 27 What He Sees
28. Chapter 28 My Girl
29. Chapter 29 Maybe I Understand
30. Chapter 30 The Rumor
31. Chapter 31 Hockey Boys
32. Chapter 32 Maybe Americus Was Right
33. Chapter 33 She's Smarter Than Any of You
34. Chapter 34 Snow
35. Chapter 35 Leona
36. Chapter 36 Leona Continued
37. Chapter 37 Not Tonight
38. Chapter 38 A Door Closing
39. Chapter 39 Why Do You Care
40. Chapter 40 Impossible
41. Chapter 41 The Winter Gala
42. Chapter 42 Dance with Me
43. Chapter 43 I Said No
44. Chapter 44 I Just Can't
45. Chapter 45 Beneath Me
46. Chapter 46 Something Hotter
47. Chapter 47 Stay Out Of My Life
48. Chapter 48 Frozen In Place
49. Chapter 49 The Text
50. Chapter 50 The Gala
51. Chapter 51 Goodnight Silver
52. Chapter 52 Storm Clouds
53. Chapter 53 Slippery
54. Chapter 54 She's Beneath Me
55. Chapter 55 What Exactly Is Your Problem
56. Chapter 56 Maybe
57. Chapter 57 Just one kiss
58. Chapter 58 If You Say So
59. Chapter 59 The Whale Roars
60. Chapter 60 Sulking In Corners
61. Chapter 61 Ice Too Thin
62. Chapter 62 What Leona Wants
63. Chapter 63 Batter My Heart
64. Chapter 64 Reservations
65. Chapter 65 Cold Pasta
66. Chapter 66 Stop Pretending
67. Chapter 67 Wrong
68. Chapter 68 What's Left
69. Chapter 69 Nor'easter
70. Chapter 70 Standing Still
71. Chapter 71 For Myself
72. Chapter 72 The Attempt
73. Chapter 73 The Second Time
74. Chapter 74 Suspended
75. Chapter 75 High Street
76. Chapter 76 The Lamp Goes Off
77. Chapter 77 Edges Not Blades
78. Chapter 78 The Long Way
79. Chapter 79 Choosing Not To Listen
80. Chapter 80 The Seed
81. Chapter 81 Unreliable
82. Chapter 82 What the Common Room Holds
83. Chapter 83 It's About Carroway
84. Chapter 84 The Fight
85. Chapter 85 Leona
86. Chapter 86 Yes
87. Chapter 87 Never Have I Ever
88. Chapter 88 Valentine
89. Chapter 89 Harkness
90. Chapter 90 Chapel Street
91. Chapter 91 Ice Queen
92. Chapter 92 Stone
93. Chapter 93 What Riley Knows
94. Chapter 94 Midnight Ice
95. Chapter 95 Warning
96. Chapter 96 Georgia
97. Chapter 97 The Clipboard
98. Chapter 98 Preparation
99. Chapter 99 The Courtyard
100. Chapter 100 Two Stories
101. Chapter 101 The Dance
102. Chapter 102 Too Firm
103. Chapter 103 Step Back
104. Chapter 104 Of Course I Care
105. Chapter 105 I'd Never Choose You
106. Chapter 106 The Letter
107. Chapter 107 Every Line
108. Chapter 108 The Mask Slips
109. Chapter 109 Gone
110. Chapter 110 Christmas Eve
111. Chapter 111 Valentine, You Deserve the Truth
112. Chapter 112 I Love You Still
113. Chapter 113 Stone Floor
114. Chapter 114 Shopping Bags
115. Chapter 115 She Never Knew When to Quit
116. Chapter 116 Countdown
117. Chapter 117 Their Spark
118. Chapter 118 The Morning After
119. Chapter 119 Sterile Rooms
120. Chapter 120 I'm Not You
121. Chapter 121 The Word She Never Said
122. Chapter 122 Dad's Voice
123. Chapter 123 The Gothic Towers Feel Like Home
124. Chapter 124 Before I Saw Him
125. Chapter 125 His Silence Was Deafening
126. Chapter 126 Even Firecrackers Burn Out
127. Chapter 127 They Circled Like Sharks
128. Chapter 128 This Time I Didn't Flinch
129. Chapter 129 Only a Pen
130. Chapter 130 Quiet Was Louder Than Shouting
131. Chapter 131 Pain Was Still Progress
132. Chapter 132 Secrets Spill Eventually
133. Chapter 133 The Room Shrank When He Walked In
134. Chapter 134 Even Centerpieces Became Arguments
135. Chapter 135 The Ice Bit Back
136. Chapter 136 His Hand Was Steady Where Mine Shook
137. Chapter 137 The Rink Was Never Empty When You Needed It
138. Chapter 138 Trust Is Harder Than Triple Jumps
139. Chapter 139 Her Calm Steadied Me
140. Chapter 140 She Thrived on Chaos
141. Chapter 141 The Rink Roared Again
142. Chapter 142 The Room Blurred Until I Saw Him
143. Chapter 143 His Smile Was Poison
144. Chapter 144 She'd Finally Had Enough
145. Chapter 145 The Crowd Cheered for Someone Else
146. Chapter 146 Admiration Looked Different on Him
147. Chapter 147 Truth Slipped Easier at Night
148. Chapter 148 Timing Was Never Her Gift
149. Chapter 149 Her Handwriting Was a Command
150. Chapter 150 For Once, I Didn't Fold
151. Chapter 151 Lies Unravel Fast
152. Chapter 152 Gossip Spread Like Fire
153. Chapter 153 Not All Battles Are Loud
154. Chapter 154 Even Silence Hummed
155. Chapter 155 The Room Held Its Breath
156. Chapter 156 She Wanted Results
157. Chapter 157 Winter Swallowed Me Whole
158. Chapter 158 His Voice Cut Through the Storm
159. Chapter 159 Nine: Some Truths Take Time
160. Chapter 160 Pain Gave Way to Something Scarier: Hope
161. Chapter 161 Coffee Appeared Like Magic
162. Chapter 162 Locker Rooms Leak Secrets
163. Chapter 163 She Couldn't Stand Wasted Chemistry
164. Chapter 164 Her Voice Was Frost
165. Chapter 165 For Once, I Hung Up First
166. Chapter 166 Sweat and Ice Carried Tempers
167. Chapter 167 She Knew All the Backstories
168. Chapter 168 Quiet Hummed Between Us
169. Chapter 169 Sharp Suits in the Stands Meant Futures on the Line
170. Chapter 170 Whispers Always Find Ears
171. Chapter 171 I Wasn't Used to Being the Pep Talker
172. Chapter 172 Not All Victories Are Clean
173. Chapter 173 Losing Him Meant Losing Everything
174. Chapter 174 Ice Felt Both Enemy and Lover
175. Chapter 175 Cold Air Burned Between Us
176. Chapter 176 For Once, Neither of Us Was Strong
177. Chapter 177 Silence Swelled Like Music
178. Chapter 178 Every Interruption Hurt
179. Chapter 179 She Saw Cracks No One Else Did
180. Chapter 180 I Hated the Girl on Screen
181. Chapter 181 Silence Stretched Across the Couch
182. Chapter 182 Normal Felt Impossible
183. Chapter 183 Carroway Wasn't Gone Yet
184. Chapter 184 Poison Spreads Fastest in Whispers
185. Chapter 185 I'd Been Humiliated Before. This Was Worse.
186. Chapter 186 His Arms Steadied Me Where I Broke
187. Chapter 187 Belief Felt Contagious
188. Chapter 188 Small Steps Mattered
189. Chapter 189 Yale vs. Harvard Meant Blood
190. Chapter 190 My Chest Hollowed Out
191. Chapter 191 Fluorescent Lights Never Blinked Fast Enough
192. Chapter 192 Bruises Looked Too Human on Him
193. Chapter 193 My Mouth Betrayed Me
194. Chapter 194 Hope Turned to Ash
195. Chapter 195 Draft Scouts Circled Like Vultures
196. Chapter 196 Sometimes You Fight for Someone Else
197. Chapter 197 We Stood Too Close for Lies
198. Chapter 198 Lights, Music, Pressure
199. Chapter 199 Avoidance Became Survival
200. Chapter 200 The World Narrowed to His Hand on Mine
201. Chapter 201 Poison Never Dies Quietly
202. Chapter 202 The Crowd Turned
203. Chapter 203 Silence Pressed Like Snow
204. Chapter 204 Nobody Had Ever Said That
205. Chapter 205 Timing Is the Cruelest Game
206. Chapter 206 Her Calm Steadied Me
207. Chapter 207 Running Had to Stop Sometime
208. Chapter 208 Everything Depended on His Next Word
209. Chapter 209 He Opened His Mouth, Then Shut It
210. Chapter 210 She Lived for Drama, Not Silence
211. Chapter 211 Some Villains Don't Quit
212. Chapter 212 Screenshots Sting More Than Blades
213. Chapter 213 Yale Hockey Bled Stress
214. Chapter 214 Knees Buckle from More Than Pain
215. Chapter 215 He Didn't Ask, He Just Came
216. Chapter 216 Not All Intimacy Is Loud
217. Chapter 217 Daylight Made Everything Sharper
218. Chapter 218 My Name Was Trending in the Worst Way
219. Chapter 219 Her Heels Struck Like Gunshots
220. Chapter 220 Dad's Voice Was the Only Safe Place
221. Chapter 221 Love Steadies Chaos
222. Chapter 222 Screenshots Never Tell Truth
223. Chapter 223 His Eyes Burned Steady
224. Chapter 224 Locker Rooms Breed Rumor
225. Chapter 225 Silver Waited for Eli's Response
226. Chapter 226 7:30 Felt Like a Lifetime Away
227. Chapter 227 Silence Is the Worst Noise
228. Chapter 228 She Smelled Secrets
229. Chapter 229 My Friends Found Me Before I Fell Apart Completely
230. Chapter 230 Another Game, Another Loss
231. Chapter 231 Coach Morrison's Office Smelled Like Old Leather and Disappointment
232. Chapter 232 Envelopes Carried Weight
233. Chapter 233 Three Days Without Seeing Him Felt Like Three Years
234. Chapter 234 He Looked Exhausted, Older
235. Chapter 235 Anger Hides Worry
236. Chapter 236 She Knew Before I Did
237. Chapter 237 Rumors Die Hard, But They Die
238. Chapter 238 Fear Tastes Like Salt
239. Chapter 239 I Like Us
240. Chapter 240 She Drew a Line
241. Chapter 241 Fathers Rarely Win. He Tried.
242. Chapter 242 Crowds Still Made Me Shake
243. Chapter 243 The World Stepped In Again
244. Chapter 244 Courage Felt Heavier Than Fear
245. Chapter 245 I Came Back Anyway
246. Chapter 246 He Said Yes
247. Chapter 247 The Stars Saw Everything
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