Chapter 4 CHAPTER 4
"Why did you dare Amy to kiss my boyfriend?" I
asked, my voice deadly.
Cross's eyes filled with dark delightlike I'd just
stepped into his game and he was the only one who
knew the rules.
"We were playing truth or dare." Rather than show
remorse, the corner of his teeth glinted against the
sunlight, amused. "It's just a game, CJ. I didn't
think you'd care." His teasing lilt told me he knew it
was the exact opposite.
And he was right. I did care. My blood bubbled.
"Kevin is my boyfriend, how am I not supposed to be
offended?"
"I guess you’ll have to keep him on a tight leash
buttercup." Cross pushed a strand of hair behind
my ear as if to comfort me.
I slapped his hand away. "Out of all the guys you
could've picked, why my boyfriend? You should've
dared Amy to kiss you!"
Cross shrugged, disinterested. "I didn't want to kiss
her."
"You didn't mind before!"
"That was the past." His smiled deepened, cruelty
seeping into the corners. "Now I find it more fun
seeing your so called "good" boyfriend act like the
dog he really is. But hey, congrats, you set a new
record. Instead of no boyfriend, you managed to hold
one.. for a whole day." He held up a finger like he
was announcing my biggest achievement.
I bitterly grabbed his index and began to bend it
backwards. His jaw twitched in pain, but before I
could relish in the small victory, he wrenched his
finger away and spun me so my arms were pinned
behind me. I felt the heat of his body as he pressed
against my back. a dangerous awareness coiled down
my spine.
"Let go of me you prick! I can't stand you!" I
struggled against him, but he locked me firmly in
place. I craned my neck and glared fiercely, "I get
you have no respect for relationships, but why'd you
have to come ruin mine?!"
His glacier-blue eyes bore into mine, steady as ice
and unreadable. "I guess that's just who I am."
I kicked backward, aiming for his groin, but he
shifted me forward effortlessly.
"I hate you!"
Finally, he released me, but the air between us grew
heavy. For once, Cross looked almost.. angry.
"You should be thanking me," he bit out. His voice
lost all the amusement, turning sharp. "Kevin
could've said no, but he didn't. He kissed Amy. That
was his choice. So don't dump your crap on me."
His gaze burned into mine, freezing me in place.
Then, like flipping a switch, his smirk returned. "But
don't be mad at him, babe. You and Amy? You're on
opposite sides of the spectrum."
My heart plummeted. A second blow, crueler than
the first. I knew Amy was prettier than me, that was
impossible to ignore, so I didn't bother to compare
myself. But was I really that much of a lower
standard? Hearing it from Cross, it stung deeper
than I could admit.
Tears welled in my eyes. And to make it worse,
somewhere along the line we'd drawn a crowd. I
felt the weight of their stares, their whispers slicing
through the air like knives. Cross had already
felt the weight of their stares, their whispers slicing
through the air like knives. Crosshad already
pulled out his phone, scrolling like I wasn't even
there. Like I wasn't worth his attention anymore.
Before anyone could see me break, I bolted inside.
The bathroom mirror blurred as my tears finally
spilled.
Kevin had cheated. By choice. It wasn't Amy's fault, it
wasn't Cross's. It was his. He was the one who made
a commitment to me, and at the end of the day, the
boy who I thought to be different was just like the
rest.
I wiped my tears, fanning my face in desperate
attempt to erase the redness before class begun.
And to think Cross had warned me about Kevin,
and I'd brushed it off as jealousy. Jealousy, of all the
things. As if he'd ever be jealous of me.
Even after my eyes cleared, his harsh words lingered.
I was used to brushing off Cross's arrogance and
cruel jokes, but he'd never gone this far with me.
I've witnessed plenty of other girls take the brunt
of his callousness, but this...It felt different. I didn't
understand what triggered it. I hadn't done anything
to him.
Cross needed someone to knock his ego down.
Someone to prove he couldn't get away with
everything. One day, some girl would cut him down a
size.
And if I were honest, I wanted that someone to be
me.
Cross's POV
The sun was too bright. It caught on the hood of my car and stung my eyes, but not as much as the sight of Clara James marching across the parking lot toward me.
She looked like a storm cloud in an oversized hoodie. I could feel the vibration of her footsteps through the pavement, and for a second, my heart did this stupid, erratic thud against my ribs. I hated it. I hated that I could recognize her walk from a hundred yards away. I hated that I knew exactly which pair of beat-up sneakers she was wearing before she even reached the curb.
"Why did you dare Amy to kiss my boyfriend?"
Her voice was angry and was deadly. It was a low, vibrating hum that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Most girls cried or screamed when they were mad at me. Clara? She looked like she wanted to dismantle me, piece by piece, and scatter me across the turf.
I felt that familiar, dark delight bubbling up in my chest. It was like a drug. I lived for the moments I could pull a reaction out of her, even if that reaction was pure, unadulterated loathing. As long as she was looking at me, it didn't matter what the look was.
"We were playing truth or dare."
I let my teeth glint against the sunlight, giving her that effortless, amused smirk that usually made people back down. Inside, my pulse was racing. I watched her eyes. those eyes that always seemed to see through my bullshit and I leaned into the lie. "It's just a game, CJ. I didn't think you'd care."
The lie tasted like copper in my mouth. I knew she cared. I’d counted on it.
"Kevin is my boyfriend, how am I not supposed to be offended?"
Boyfriend. The word felt like a slur. Kevin was a cardboard cutout of a human being. He was the kind of guy who apologized for breathing too loud. The idea of Clara, a sharp, brilliant and terrifying Clara wasting her time on a guy who folded like a lawn chair at the first sign of a dare made my blood boil.
I reached out, my fingers acting on their own. I tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. Her skin was warm, and for a split second, I wanted to leave my hand there. I wanted to see if she’d melt or explode.
"I guess you’ll have to keep him on a tight leash, buttercup."
Slap.
She hit my hand away so hard my skin stung. Good. I deserved it. But I wasn't going to stop.
"Out of all the guys you could've picked, why my boyfriend? You should've dared Amy to kiss you!"
I shrugged, feigning a boredom I didn't feel. "I didn't want to kiss her."
"You didn't mind before!"
"That was the past." I stepped closer, letting the cruelty seep into the corners of my smile. I needed to hurt her because she was hurting me just by standing there, looking so small and so stubborn. "Now I find it more fun seeing your so-called 'good' boyfriend act like the dog he really is. But hey, congrats, you set a new record. Instead of no boyfriend, you managed to hold one... for a whole day."
I held up my index finger, mocking her achievement. I expected her to walk away. I expected her to crumble.
Instead, she grabbed my finger and began to bend it backward.
Pain shot up my arm, sharp and white-hot. My jaw twitched, the muscles locking as I fought the urge to wince. She was actually doing it. She was trying to break me. I saw the flash of victory in her eyes, and for a heartbeat, I wanted to let her. I wanted to see how far she’d go.
But my instincts took over. I wrenched my finger away, grabbing her wrist and spinning her. In one move, I had her arms pinned behind her back, her small frame pressed flush against my chest.
The world stopped.
The heat of her body seeped through my shirt, and the scent of her clobbered me. A dangerous awareness coiled down my spine, a heavy, dragging weight in my gut that had nothing to do with anger. I could feel her heart hammering against my arm. I could feel the way she was shaking, not from fear, but from the sheer force of her rage.
"Let go of me you prick! I can't stand you!"
She struggled, her heels digging into the asphalt, her body writhing against mine. I locked my grip. I couldn't let go. If I let go, I’d have to acknowledge the fact that holding her like this felt more right than anything I’d done in months.
"I get you have no respect for relationships, but why'd you have to come ruin mine?!"
I looked down into those glacier-blue eyes. They were steady as ice, but I could see the cracks forming. "I guess that's just who I am," I managed to say. My voice sounded like it was coming from someone else.
She kicked backward, aiming for my groin, and I shifted her forward effortlessly, a practiced move from years of sports. But the movement only brought us closer. My chin was nearly resting on her shoulder. I could hear her breathing, they were ragged, shallow gasps.
"I hate you!"
The words hit harder than any kick.
I released her. The air between us turned heavy, like the atmosphere right before a tornado. I felt a sudden, sharp spike of genuine anger, not at her, but at the situation. At Kevin. At the fact that I was the villain in her story when I was the one who had just shown her the truth.
"You should be thanking me," I bit out. The amusement was gone. My voice was a blade now. "Kevin could've said no, but he didn't. He kissed Amy. That was his choice. So don't dump your crap on me."
I watched her freeze. I watched the realization sink in, but I couldn't stop myself. I was on a roll, and my pride wouldn't let me back down.
"But don't be mad at him, babe. You and Amy? You're on opposite sides of the spectrum."
The moment the words left my lips, I wanted to reach out and pull them back. I saw her heart plummet in real-time. I saw the way her shoulders slumped, the way her eyes filled with tears she was desperate not to shed.
I was being a total dick and I knew it, I also knew I shouldn't have said what I just said but it was a little too late . But even looking at her now, with the crowd gathering and the whispers starting to slice through the air, I realized I’d just handed her a death sentence in front of the whole school.
I pulled out my phone, my fingers trembling as I scrolled through nothing. I couldn't look at her. If I looked at her, I’d apologize, and if I apologized, I’d lose the only shield I had against the way I felt.
She bolted.
I watched her disappear into the building, a small, retreating figure in a hoodie that was too big for her. The silence she left behind was deafening.
*******
I slammed my locker shut, the metal-on-metal bang echoing through the tiled room. The smell of sweat and overpriced cologne usually didn't bother me, but today it felt suffocating.
"Rough morning, Cross?"
I didn't turn around. I knew that voice. Theodore's leaning against the row of lockers behind me, tossing a tennis ball up and catching it with a rhythmic thwack.
"Not now, Theo," I muttered, grabbing my jersey.
"I don't know, man," Theo said, his voice light but carrying that annoying edge that meant he wasn't going to drop it. "I saw the little show in the parking lot. You really went for the throat with CJ today. Even for you, that was... intense."
"She was in my face. I gave her what she wanted," I said, my voice cold.
"Did you?" A third voice joined in. David was sitting on the bench, methodically taping his ankles. He didn't look up, his gray eyes focused on his work. "Because from where I was standing, it looked like you were trying to convince yourself as much as her."
I spun around, my jaw tight. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
Theo stopped tossing the ball. "It means you’re doing a little too much, Cross. You dared Amy to kiss her boyfriend just to prove a point? That’s some high-level obsession right there. If you’re not interested in the girl, why are you spending so much energy ruining her life? She's our friend, remember? "
"I'm not interested in her," I snapped. The lie felt heavier this time. "She’s... she’s just there." Just there? I was pathetic.
"She’s 'just there' but you’re pinning her against your chest in the parking lot?" Theo laughed, but there was no humor in it. "Careful, man. You’re playing a dangerous game. You keep pushing her like that, and eventually, she’s going to stop pushing back. She’ll just stay away. Is that what you want?"
I didn't answer. The thought of Clara just... staying away... sent a cold shiver down my spine.
"Seriously, Bro," David said, finally looking up. His gaze was heavy, the kind of look that made you feel like you were being judged by a judge who already knew you were guilty. "Be careful with the way you treat her. Clara isn't like the other girls who follow you around. You break someone like her, and you don't just get to walk away. Don't hurt her just because you’re too much of a coward to admit you like her."
"I don't like her," I hissed, grabbing my bag and heading for the door.
"Whatever you say, Cross!" Theo shouted after me. "But for the record? The comment you made comparing her to Amy? Even I thought that was a dick move. And I’m a dick!"
I walked out of the locker room, their voices fading, but David’s words stayed. Don't hurt her because you're too much of a coward.
I checked my phone. No notifications. No texts from her.
I deserved the silence. I deserved the hate. But as I walked to class, my mind kept drifting back to the feeling of her heart beating against my arm, and the way the sun had caught the tears in her eyes before she turned away.
Uggghh, what the fuck was my problem?
The bell for the first period grated against my nerves like a serrated blade. I walked into English Lit, my bag slung low, my eyes instinctively scanning the rows.
Third row. Two seats from the window. Empty.
The sight of that polished wooden desk hit me harder than a tackle on the field. Clara was never late. She normally sat there with her spine straight, her head buried in a book, acting like the rest of us didn't exist. Now, the space where she should have been felt like a black hole, sucking the air out of the room.
"Cross, glad you could join us. Please, take a seat."
I didn't even look at the teacher. I slumped into my chair, my boots kicking out under the desk. I pulled out a notebook, but I didn't open it. My mind was stuck in a loop, replaying the way her voice had cracked right before she bolted. “I get you have no respect for relationships, but why'd you have to come ruin mine?!”
I stared at the back of the head of the girl sitting in front of me, some cheerleader whose name I’d already forgotten.
She had perfectly curled hair, a pristine outfit, and smelled like a candy shop. She was exactly what I was supposed to like.
So why did it make me want to gag?
I thought back to my nasty ass comment about her and Amy. It was a reflex, a way to push her away before she could see how much space she was taking up in my head.
But the moment I pinned her against me in the parking lot, my resolve threatened to shatter. There was something about the way her skin felt, the way she fit perfectly into me that had me almost going feral.
"Cross? Earth to Cross?"
Theo was whispering from the desk to my left, leaning back in his chair with a smirk that made me want to swing at him.
"What?" I hissed.
"You've been staring at CJ’s empty chair for ten minutes, man. You look like you're mourning a dead pet. If you're that pressed, just text her an apology."
"I'm not pressed," I lied, my grip tightening on my pen until the plastic groaned. "I'm just annoyed. She made a scene and now she’s skipping. It’s pathetic."
"Right. Pathetic." Theo’s eyes twinkled with that annoying 'I know something you don't' look. "That's why your leg hasn't stopped shaking since the bell rang. You’re vibrating like a tuning fork, Cross. Relax before you break the floorboards."
I forced my leg to stop. I forced my eyes toward the front of the room. But every time the door creaked open, my heart did a pathetic little hop, hoping it was a girl in a baggy hoodie with red-rimmed eyes.
But she never showed.
A/N: New readers/re-reader, I hope you’re enjoying my book, Cross's POV wasn't initially part of the book so this and a few other chapters have been edited and republished.
I hope you love it❤️
